Preparing Instant Oats/Readybrek For Sploshing
Instant oats are found in the UK (not sure about USA) in boxes in the cereal aisle of the supermarket. There is a branded version called Readybrek, but supermarkets have their own cheaper brand available.
These instant kinds of oats are very finely milled, almost to a kind of dust, rather than being the whole and chunky rolled oat. They mix up quite differently to the usual porridge oats, going lumpy much easier, but the lumps will vanish quite easily with enough stirring.
They still 'hold the heat' quite a lot, just like the rolled oat version, so when mixing with hot water, be sure to let it stand for a while or mix it slightly too thick and then add and stir in cold water to cool it down a little before sploshing.
When used in a session or WAM video scene they give a very different effect to regular porridge oats, a lot smoother and less chunky (though still not as smooth as gunge or custard)
To prepare instant oats, I put a bag or two’s worth into a bucket (I use the Sainsburys own brand 750g boxes) and add hot water a litre at a time, stirring vigorously and adding more water until it reaches my desired thickness.
Save money and avoid the dairy smell by mixing it with water. It doesn’t need milk. The mixture will go creamy by itself.
If it goes lumpy, try adding more water and letting it sit for a little while to hydrate the oats, then go back to it and mix again after 10 minutes or so. Repeat the process for each bucket you need.
If you accidentally make it too thin, you can add more of the mix to thicken it, so be sure to get a spare box especially if it's your first time trying to mix it.
In a pinch you can also thicken it with flour, but then be careful of the inevitable gluten blobs that get stuck in hair, and see my specific article about flour and removing gluten blobs.
If you decide to go ahead and mix it with milk, please also see my article on removing the lingering dairy smell.
You can mix it fairly well in advance and it is very stable for at least 24 hours, but can start to separate and look unpleasant after that.
I am not sure if any other supermarkets make their own brands, but the Sainsbury's one pictured above is great value compared to the branded 'Readybrek' version. Sainsbury's at the time of writing this is £2.20 for 750g, and Readybrek is £2.20 for 450g
You can make it cheaper still by using rolled oats, or classic porridge oats, which are cheaper and most UK supermarkets carry a value/basic range version. I have an in depth article all about regular porridge here,
Out of date and cheap oats can also be found sometimes on 'approved food' which is a website selling near or past before date food items.
You can also make your own version of instant oats by adding regular rolled oats to a blender or food processor and blasting them until they are finely milled.
Body & Skin
Removing it from the skin is fine. I'm like a stuck record I know but I always recommend those plastic loofahs or bath puffs, made of scrunched up plastic mesh for removing any mess from skin, or a soft bristled body brush.
You probably won't really need that with instant oats as it isn't too sticky and it is milled very finely. Use lots of warm water and shower gel or soap and that will do the trick.
I also recommend having a mirror within your line of sight in the bathroom so you can visually check for any missed areas.
Common areas I used to miss were backs of arms, flanks, backs of legs and ankles. Always check every crevice of your ears too!
If you coat your mirror with a very thin film of dish soap/washing up liquid, it stops the mirror fogging up with steam so you can see while you clean up.
For short haired people, just use lots of lemon or tea tree shampoo, maybe wash twice if you want to be sure with plenty of shampoo. These oats are very fine, almost like a dust so you shouldn't get any stuck in your hair - don't panic if you do notice any though, they will brush out once your hair is dry.
For longer hair
It’s fine to get out of longer hair too. First of all, stand under the water and let the water rinse the worst off. Use your hands to run over your head and down the length of your hair to feel where the worst is and encourage it along by gently squeezing it out.
Once the worst is gone, shampoo twice. Do this gently though, be careful not to rub it into your hair, rather just keep smoothing down and gently work it in with fingertips.
These oats are very finely milled, almost like a dust so you shouldn't get any stuck in your hair - don't panic if you do notice any though, you can apply conditioner, comb it through and rinse again, and if any still remain after that, they will brush out once your hair is dry.
Cleaning Items & Objects
Baths & Showers
I recommend avoiding use of a bath or shower for sploshing where possible due to limited space and the need to clean the bath before cleaning yourself.
It's more comfortable and pleasant to keep the bath or shower more available (especially if you have a guest or playmates or models who might need the loo) and set up a pool or inflatable massage mat or even a makeshift messy nest elsewhere. By this I mean layers of good plastic propped up around the edges with blankets or towels) with more space to surround yourself with your messy session items.
If you decide to make a messy nest as described above, make sure to use heavy grade 125mu + polythene or the plastic will bunch up, float around and stick to you a lot (kinda kills the mood!)
If you really have to use the bath and any mess gets dried on, use a long lasting bathroom mousse or leave a wet cloth on top of the mark to help soak it off.
I like this bathroom mousse which is really good on starchy items, paint pigments, sugary items and more and I use a scrub daddy for any stubborn marks. A stiff bristled brush can also work well to help it along.
Avoid the bath situation with another fave of mine, the inflatable massage mat (usually the size of a double bed and easier to clean than a high sided pool)
If you block the drain, for starchy things like these instant oats you should use a 15 minute drain unblocker will likely resolve the problem. The one I always keep available just in case is pictured below.
Just pour it through any standing water in the direction of the plug hole and leave it as long as possible... they claim 5 minutes but it can take up to 30.
Buckets & Tools
To clean off buckets a shower hose or tap with good water pressure to blast the clinging areas off, and/or a good stiff washing up brush are a good idea. Don’t try to do it with your hand or a flannel, you’ll be there all day!
Microfibre cloths are good to get any last bits and help dry them off, but not for the initial washing. Don’t forget the outside of the buckets, bottoms of buckets and under the rims.
For any floor, a microfibre cloth and a little spray of water or clear antibacterial spray tends to make short work of it. Make sure you don’t use anything with bleach unless you know the carpet is certified for safe bleach use.
This applies to carpeted or laminate flooring, tile or stone, microfibre cloths are your friend. Same for any splashes that have got onto a wall or door, or door handles etc.
If any splashes have dried on floors or walls, soak a microfibre cloth or a few sheets of kitchen roll with your cleaning spray and leave it on top of the dried mess for about 30 minutes. When you return it will just wipe away.
If anything is still stuck, soak it again and use your stiff brush. On most ‘washing up’ brushes, there is a flat side on the bristly head that can be used to scrape without scratching. Dry the area afterwards.
If you want to clean and save the pool
My general pool cleaning advice applies. Scoop leftovers up into buckets, watering it down and mixing it around to thin it if need be. Then tip it down the drain or flush it down the loo. Then tip a bucket of warm soapy water into your pool, and give it a good scrub around with a brush. Now scoop all that out and tip it away or flush the water.
Keep the pool inflated the whole time, and clean the sides of the pool with a few microfibre cloths, a soft brush and a cleaning spray. Then with it still inflated, stand it up against a wall and use the cleaning spray and cloths all over it.
Dry the pool thoroughly with towels and kitchen roll and then allow to thoroughly air dry, still inflated, before trying to pack it away. If any moisture remains when you deflate and fold it to store it, it will go mouldy.
Step by step pool cleaning guide
I recently wrote an even more in depth guide to pool cleaning with step by step instructions from prep to finish, and my thoughts on wet/dry vacuums and lining the pool with plastic. To read that, go here
If you want to throw away the pool
If you used a small pool and a bucket or less of mess in total, you may be able to simply pop it and put it into a bin bag. If you do this, secure the first bin bag and then add another to be sure of no leaking. I often use three bin bags with this method, and with any other messy things that have to be thrown away.
If you used a large inflatable pool and a large amount of mess, you'll need to scoop out and flush everything before trying to bag it, or it will be too heavy. 10 litres is one bucket, and is the equivalent of 10kg. Even if you are strong enough to lift it easily, you risk the bin bag tearing if the contents are too heavy.
Flushing The Leftovers
If you are connected to a normal waste water system You can flush pretty much everything except oil. If you have a septic tank, please see the separate advice. I have never happened upon a loo that can’t handle mess being flushed down it.
If any appears to be blocking the loo, use a sink or bath tap to fill a bucket with water and pour the water from a height on top of the blockage… wiggle around a loo brush too, or even your hand if it comes to it. Flush after each bucket, and make sure you give time for the loo tank to refill before expecting it to flush again.
Repeat this as necessary and then check after an hour or two that nothing remains in the bottom of the loo. If you are disposing of very thick mess, it may be better to only half fill your buckets, and mix water into each one so that it becomes runnier and flushes easier.
If you have a septic tank, you won’t be able to flush leftovers down the loo. Instead you will need a series of bags, and absorbent puppy pads, or wood pellet cat litter, as much as it takes to absorb all your leftovers.
Triple bag it all with very strong bin bags, securing each layer, and take it all to your local tip, to the general waste area.
Clothes & Laundry
To get a head start, take them into the shower with you to rinse them off a little and squeeze them out. Be careful with water temperature if any items are dark in colour in case the colour runs. Then wrap them up in a large clean towel or two, or drop them into a clean bucket so they don’t drip on the way to your washing machine.
Be mindful of the weight, wet or sploshed clothes are often heavy, so don't overload your machine. Give them one washing cycle with no laundry liquid, and then another washing cycle or two with the usual amount of laundry liquid and fabric conditioner.
Underwear, Lingerie, Tights & Stockings
Put tights and lingerie items in zip up mesh laundry bags, separate from each other. It's especially important to keep them separate from bras or anything with clasps or fastenings, as they will get snagged and rip and be difficult to untangle.
You could also keep them separate to hand wash on their own. Bras, teddies, babydoll nighties, basques etc all need their own zip up mesh laundry bags, or like with tights and stockings, keep them separate for thorough hand washing individually.
You can wash most shoes in the sink with warm soapy water as though you were washing dishes. Some shoes like trainers and flat ballet pumps can instead be put into a zip up mesh laundry bag and washed in the washing machine.
To dry your shoes, stuff them with newspaper or kitchen paper and leave them somewhere warm, but away from direct heat
For wigs, hand washing is best. Be very gentle and use shampoo twice, rinsing each time. Then liberally soak it with hair conditioner and leave it for at least 30 minutes. Brush it out gently with a wet brush (a wet brush is a great invention and is the name of the brand. It's very gentle and good for head hair too)
Rinse thoroughly and wrap it in a towel, then apply pressure to dry it a little, do not rub it. Then keep away from direct heat to dry it, preferably hanging on something rounded to help it keep its shape, like a mannequin head.
Who Am I?
And why do I know stuff?
I'm a UK based WAM producer and sometimes model with over 15 years experience. For over 10 of those years I hosted a bonkers amount of wam sessions (3 or 4 a week) and I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do so... however I had to get very good at cleaning up quickly in the fairly small window of privacy I would get, and I had to leave no trace due to living in rented accommodation.
I also had to get inventive with substances and alternatives. I think all my trial and error experiments with WAM now mean there is literally nothing I haven't personally tried and in turn, there's nothing I haven't cleaned up either.
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