Preparing Soups For Sploshing
Soups are available in tins, cartons and sometimes larger plastic tubs in the fresh and chilled section of the supermarket. Those fresh ones tend to be quite expensive, but they are very convenient.
For the tins, as with all canned items, for safety please decant them into plastic jugs or bowls. Give the tins a good shake before opening to loosen any settled bits, and then use a spoon not your fingers!) to get the last bits out of the tin.
A 30 second blast in the microwave, or leaving them to come to room temperature and giving them a good mix will give you a better experience and results
For the plastic tubs, just open the lid, give them a good stir and let them come to room temperature.
There is a huge variety of soups out there, cheesy, vegetable, chicken, meat, garlicky and spicy, some with bits, some smooth, some creamy, some thick, some thin but my advice will help you deal with whatever option you’ve gone for and vanquish all the potential odours and stains.
Be careful with any spicy soups though, don’t get them near your eyes or delicate places!
Making Your Own Soups
If you want huge batches of soup as cheaply as possible, say for filming, then all you need is a big pot or two, stock, lentils, tomato puree or tinned tomatoes and a few vegetable scraps. It doesn't have to be perfectly tasty if it's just going over someone's head or in their pants, it just has to look the part.
Adding things like potatoes and lentils can help thicken it, and tomato puree is great for some colour. You can try milk or cream too if you wanted a light coloured version, so it's a gat way to use up any leftovers or anything near expiry in your fridge.
You can even make your own stock by boiling your vegetable scraps for a while,
Once your stock is done (use cheap stock cubes or make your own) then add you lentils and cook til softened, 20 to 30 minutes depending on the lentils, and blitz it with a stick blender or give it a whizz in a jug blender. Just make sure the lid is on tightly so that you don't end up sploshing your entire kitchen.
If you want the soup to taste good then follow any online recipe, but for a very basic version use a nice stock, fry up some diced onions, carrots and potatoes in some butter, add some herbs and make sure there's plenty of salt and pepper, then add your stock, any other veg and ingredients you want to include, simmer for 20 minutes and blitz as above.
Put your finished soup into a bunch of smaller containers like jugs, and let it cool before using, probably at least an hour. Leave it for 2 to 3 hours if are not putting it into smaller containers
Body, Skin & Hair
Removing it from skin is fine. Watch out for any oiliness. You may need a little extra shower gel but it should be fine. I recommend those plastic loofahs or bath puffs, made of scrunched up plastic mesh for removing any mess from skin, or a soft bristled body brush. Add lots of warm water and shower gel or soap.
I also recommend having a mirror within your line of sight in the bathroom so you can visually check for any missed areas. Common areas I used to miss were backs of arms, flanks, backs of legs and ankles. Always check every single crevice of your ears too!
For short haired people, just use lots of lemon or tea tree shampoo, maybe wash twice if you want to be sure with plenty of shampoo.
For longer hair
It’s no problem to get out of longer hair too. Use neat shampoo before adding any water, just to counteract any oiliness, especially if you made your own icing or used a ready made 'Betty Crocker' icing
Then stand under the water and let the water rinse the worst off. Use your hands to run over your head and down the length of your hair to feel where the worst is and encourage it along by gently squeezing it out.
Once the worst is gone, shampoo twice. Do this gently though, be careful not to rub it into your hair, rather just keep smoothing down and gently work it in with fingertips.
Cleaning Items & Objects
Baths & Showers
I recommend avoiding use of a bath or shower for sploshing where possible due to limited space and the need to clean the bath before cleaning yourself. It's just more comfortable and pleasant to keep the bath or shower more available and set up a pool or inflatable massage mat or even a makeshift messy nest elsewhere (layers of good plastic propped up around the edges with blankets or towels) with more space to surround yourself with your messy session items.
If you decide to make a messy nest as described above, make sure to use heavy grade 125mu + polythene or the plastic will bunch up, float around and stick to you a lot (kinda kills the mood!)
If you really have to use the bath and any mess gets dried on, use a long lasting bathroom mousse or leave a wet cloth on top of the mark to help soak it off.
I like this bathroom mousse which is really good on starchy items, paint pigments, sugary items and more and I use a scrub daddy for any stubborn marks. A stiff bristled brush can also work well to help it along.
Avoid the bath situation with another fave of mine, the inflatable massage mat (usually the size of a double bed and easier to clean than a high sided pool)
If you block the drain, for oily things like Nutella you likely only need to keep running hot water, or even boil a kettle of water and pour that down the drain. If all else fails, a 15 minute drain unblocker will likely resolve the problem. The one I always keep available just in case is linked above. Just pour it through any standing water in the direction of the plug hole and leave it as long as possible... they claim 5 minutes but it can take up to 30.
Buckets & Tools
To clean it off buckets you need a hose or tap with good water pressure to blast the clinging areas off, and/or a good stiff washing up brush. Don’t try to do it with your hand or a flannel, you’ll be there all day! Microfibre cloths are good to get any last bits and help dry them off, but not for the initial washing. Don’t forget the outside of the buckets, bottoms of buckets and under the rims.
If it’s carpet then use microfibre cloth and a little spray of water or clear antibacterial spray. Make sure you don’t use anything with bleach unless you know the carpet is certified for safe bleach use. For laminate flooring, tile or stone, microfibre cloths are your friend. Same for any splashes that have got onto a wall or door, or door handles etc.
If any splashes have dried, soak a microfibre cloth or a few sheets of kitchen roll with your cleaning spray and leave it on top of the dried mess for about 30 minutes. When you return it will just wipe away. If anything is still stuck, soak it again and use your stiff brush. On most ‘washing up’ brushes, there is a flat side on the bristly head that can be used to scrape without scratching. Dry the area afterwards.
If you want to clean and save the pool
My general pool cleaning advice applies. Scoop leftovers up into buckets, watering it down and mixing it around to thin it if need be. Then tip it down the drain or flush it down the loo. Then tip a bucket of warm soapy water into your pool, and give it a good scrub around with a brush. Now scoop all that out and tip it away or flush the water.
Keep the pool inflated the whole time, and clean the sides of the pool with a few microfibre cloths, a soft brush and a cleaning spray. Then with it still inflated, stand it up against a wall and use the cleaning spray and cloths all over it.
Dry the pool thoroughly with towels and kitchen roll and then allow to thoroughly air dry, still inflated, before trying to pack it away. If any moisture remains when you deflate and fold it to store it, it will go mouldy.
Step by step pool cleaning guide
I recently wrote an even more in depth guide to pool cleaning with step by step instructions from prep to finish, and my thoughts on wet/dry vacuums and lining the pool with plastic. To read that, go here
If you want to throw away the pool
If you used a small pool and a bucket or less of mess in total, you may be able to simply pop it and put it into a bin bag. If you do this, secure the first bin bag and then add another to be sure of no leaking. I often use three bin bags with this method, and with any other messy things that have to be thrown away.
If you used a large inflatable pool and a large amount of mess, you'll need to scoop out and flush everything before trying to bag it, or it will be too heavy. 10 litres is one bucket, and is the equivalent of 10kg. Even if you are strong enough to lift it easily, you risk the bin bag tearing if the contents are too heavy.
Flushing The Leftovers
If you are connected to a normal waste water system
You can flush pretty much everything except oil. If you have a septic tank, please see the separate advice. I have never happened upon a loo that can’t handle mess being flushed down it, but cakey items can sometimes float. Just allow them time to absorb the water and the pieces will flush no problem.
If any appears to be blocking the loo, use a sink or bath tap to fill a bucket with water and pour the water from a height on top of the blockage… wiggle around a loo brush too, or even your hand if it comes to it. Flush after each bucket, and make sure you give time for the loo tank to refill before expecting it to flush again.
Repeat this as necessary and then check after an hour or two that nothing remains in the bottom of the loo. If you are disposing of very thick gunge, it may be better to only half fill your buckets, and mix water into each one so that it becomes runnier and flushes easier.
If you have a septic tank, you won’t be able to flush leftovers down the loo. Instead you will need a series of bags, and absorbent puppy pads, or wood pellet cat litter, as much as it takes to absorb all your leftovers. Triple bag it all with very strong bin bags, securing each layer, and take it all to your local tip, to the general waste area.
Ideally take messy clothes into the shower with you to rinse them off a little and squeeze them out. Be careful with water temperature if any items are dark in colour in case the colour runs.
Then wrap them up in a large clean towel or two, or drop them into a clean bucket so they don’t drip on the way to your washing machine.
Be mindful of the weight, wet or sploshed clothes are often heavy, so don't overload your machine. Give them one washing cycle with no laundry liquid, and then another washing cycle or two with the usual amount of laundry liquid and fabric conditioner.
Underwear, Lingerie, Tights & Stockings
Put tights and lingerie items in zip up mesh laundry bags, separate from each other. It's especially important to keep them separate from bras or anything with clasps or fastenings, as they will get snagged and rip and be difficult to untangle.
You could also keep them separate to hand wash on their own. Bras, teddies, babydoll nighties, basques etc all need their own zip up mesh laundry bags, or like with tights and stockings, keep them separate for thorough hand washing individually.
You can wash most shoes in the sink with warm soapy water as though you were washing dishes. Some shoes like trainers and flat ballet pumps can instead be put into a zip up mesh laundry bag and washed in the washing machine.
To dry shoes, stuff them with newspaper or kitchen paper and leave them somewhere warm, but away from direct heat
For wigs, hand washing is best. Be very gentle and use shampoo twice, rinsing each time. Then liberally soak it with hair conditioner and leave it for at least 30 minutes. Brush it out gently with a wet brush - a wet brush is a great invention and is the name of the brand. It's very gentle and good for head hair too.
Rinse thoroughly and wrap it in a towel, then apply pressure to dry it a little, do not rub it.
Keep it in a warm room but away from direct heat to dry it, preferably hanging on something rounded to help it keep its shape, like a mannequin head.
Who Am I?
And why do I know stuff?
Well, I'm a UK based WAM producer and sometimes model with 15 years experience. For over 10 of those years I hosted a bonkers amount of wam sessions (3 or 4 a week) and I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do so... however I had to get very good at cleaning up quickly in the fairly small window of privacy I would get, and I had to leave no trace due to living in rented accommodation.
I also had to get inventive with substances and alternatives. I think all my trial and error experiments with WAM now mean there is literally nothing I haven't personally tried and in turn, there's nothing I haven't cleaned up either.
I love when other people go for it and enjoy getting messy, especially if it's because of something I did or said to encourage them. So if you're looking for a sign, this is it.. and with all my articles, I hope to give you the confidence to make your sessions bigger and messier and with a bonus of inner peace, knowing you can easily clean it all up too.
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